Many of us have, at some point in our lives, lost someone close to us. For many of us we want to understand why this has happened, and few of us think at the time to turn to our spiritual path. It is also a time when we realise who our friends really are, and who those fairweather 'friends' are.
Loss is unfortunately part of life - everything has a cycle but when you lose a parent or sibling, a best friend or a child, it is often hard to think of these things. We feel only pain and confusion, especially when children/miscarriage is involved.
Another issue is that many people don't know what to say to you when they meet you, or avoid yooaltogether because they just don't know what to say. To these people, simply being there to listen is enough o show someone you are there for them.
Miscarriage is a particlarly awkward one for many people. It's not a fully formeed baby that has ben lost, to a lot of people but that doesn't matter to the woman/mother, or the father for that matter. They have started to form bonds of love and expectation - it is as real a loss as any other. What do you say to somone who has lost a baby? I'm so sorry for your loss. how are you? Is there anything I can do - the same as you would say to someone who has lost anyone. Allowing people to talk is a gift.
I have lost a parent, beloved pet and had three miscarriages in the last 2 years, a lot by many peopes standards but not by some. Some people lose whole families in natural disasters/accidents and other horrible circumstances. There is very little an 'outsider' can do but offer their support.
One thing I would recommend to those not sure what to say or do, and to those who have lost themselves. Never, ever say you know how that person feels, or that exactly the same thing happened to you - this does not help, you minimise their emotions and are saying you want to talk about what happened to you, not to listen to them. Empathise but do not state that you know exactly how they feel because you don't. Everyone's relationships are different, their feelings will not be the exact same as yours were because each situation is different. Think about the person suffering at that moment. Simply letting them know ou are there for them and are willing to listen is the greatest gift you can offer someone who has recenty lost someone.
To those who have lost - there is not a thing I can say that will take away the pain. You are not alone, I hope that you have someone to talk to and cry with. You may not even think to reach fo your gods I know I didn't for my father's death) but that can ease the pain alittle. Unfortunately the only thing that really eases the pain is time. Time makes it a little less raw. Understanding helps as well. Why a person died - be it a heart attack or whatever caused the death, having answers allows you to accept.
Spells will not help at times like these but meditation can. However I do think that when grief is raw you should leave that until you feel a little more yourself. Praying can help, hoping that this person/pet is taken into the Goddesses arms.
Grief/loss is a process. We fel shocked, disbelieving, angry, like bargaining and finally acceptance. Everything you feel during this time is perfectly normal so don';t worry about the fact that you burst into tears for no 'apparent' reason. The only wrong thing to do is to bottle up emotions and not let them out. This can fester and becoe very unhealthy.
I truly hope people are lucky enough to lose as few people as possible in their lives but the reality is often very different. For those who lose, I am truly sorry for your loss. For the friends of those who lose, please think about how you ould like to be treated at this time. Do not avoid them because you don't know what to say - just be there for them xx
On another note, I have written 3 books. 2 are part of a series set in Scoltand about the Sidhe, fairy folk. Available on kindle and in paperback:
The Island of the Mist is book 2
The Stone in the Sword is book 1
The 3rd book is an adult, sexy witchy werewolf/vampire story set in New York and featuring a strong female lead character, again available in kindle and paperback formats:
The Wolf, the Witch and the Coffin
